In a conversation just now, I was reminded; Sure, fear, anxiety, regret, and shame are liars. But the person feeling these feelings (often a younger version of you trying to get un-buried and re-protected) is NOT a liar. She usually responds well to kind words, safe hugs, peaceful silences, and unconditional acceptance. (We are born belonging but the “be” part often gets smashed under thethick heel of someone else’s shattered dreams of perfection. At one time or another, almost all of us have been left - standing on our own, with nothing but longing. Over time, we grow afraid to even dream of what might have been. If only.)
When you’re “feeling bad”, it’s helpful to remember that fear, shame, anger, and anxiety are often attempts by an abandoned self to get your attention.
When we allow these feelings space, time, and understanding instead of resistance, disconnection, and even hatred, we begin to heal - (this is not easy because we’re taught to see real feelings as “interrupters”, rude interlopers to be ignored rather than helpful harbingers who might show us a new easier way of being if only they could earn our respect)
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s the full-on embrace that loosens up the folds and shakes dusty grace out of the annoying burlap itch as you begin an awkward three-legged run towards home, stuck with the “real” you until the end.
(It never feels good when the truth grabs hold and attempts to pull the threadbare rug under your feet closer to her, so that true love can touch you. sometimes it feels like the rug is “pulled out from under us”, but grace never actually leaves our side)
If you’ve ever taken a ride on the back of a bicycle built for two or participated in a three-legged sack race, you’ve probably learned that at some point, you have to let go so you can match the rhythm of your partner. In this inner journey, it’s helpful to imagine “falling in” with the sacred rhythm of the self who survived your deepest hurts and greatest losses. She's likely to move more slowly than you (or more quickly), and you might need to reassure her that it's ok to be seen. (the "name" of your feelings is almost always your name, at a different age -and this includes all ages; even as adults, we experience many challenges we'd rather not remember). This race never really ends, but you can rest frequently and enjoy the wondrous feeling of fresh growth beneath you (imagine new insights as bright greenery that softens your landings)
Lean all the way back. Even Further. Swing as high as you can stand and feel the glittery breeze of ancient stardust as it surrounds your connected soul; Not too long ago, you knew yourself as a brand new miracle, pushed forward into human being-ness by nothing but love.
You’ve traveled many light years to arrive here. And all of us can see - it was well worth the impossible effort of the trillion- year trip.
“Welcome back friend”, your old soul will whisper to your young heart as you ride back and forth on a planet spinning 96 million miles an hour around the sun just to hold you close, “Welcome to the place where every part of you has always belonged.”
I promise, Grace will catch you no matter how many times you leap from her swing, surprising you with her strength again and again until the end of time.
I love you, and your feelings.( yes, even those ones! Ha ha)
Thanks for reading my post and for being the best travel partners I could ever imagine.
Mary.