In the midst of a challenge, it's helpful to practice these three questions: ( these work for serious and not so serious challenges by the way)

1. What am I feeling? ( if the circumstance is really stressful, be specific with this question - choose a body part that you don't usually notice-what does my left hand, the roof of my mouth or the top of my head feel like right now?) as you focus on discerning sensations and feelings, rather than the overwhelm of emotions, you'll notice an internal calming even as your surroundings grow more threatening. This is really helpful when you are feeling very lonely, or when you are in the presence of person under the influence of rage, jealousy, drugs or alcohol. You not only grow calm, you slow down your fear center and activate the more powerful, imaginative parts of your brain. Then, you are more likely to find ways to survive, diffuse the crisis, or allow yourself to un-compress the heavy load of dark thoughts that can crush you when you feel very lonely or depressed. 

2. What am I seeing? This is another helpful way to avoid the bad choices we sometimes make under stress. If you walk into a disastrous mess in your teen's bedroom or even worse, discover evidence that your child or friend is in real trouble, breathe in, close your eyes for just a moment and then look at the first thing you see. Just observe it as an object. Now, look at something far, something close, something to the left, something to the right, move your eyes to see what's above you and below you. This eye movement achieves more than one goal; it interrupts your focus on the disaster just like the feeling question AND it allows your whole brain to come into play ( as you look the left, right, near, far, up, and down, you are activating different parts and encouraging them to communicate with each other). With your whole brain, better choices for actions and reactions will occur to you, and may stop you for making the situation even worse.

3. What am I hearing? This is really helpful if someone is yelling at you, or your home feels eerily silent. Take a moment and listen to see if you can hear anything other than the yelling (or the disturbing loud music from the studio next to your yoga practice space - ha ha). If you're feeling the silence bear down on you, stand up and move around and notice what you feel, see and hear. As you tune yourself to sound, your mind will naturally move away from despair in an effort to address the sensation of energy entering your body through sound waves. Cover one ear, then the other, then both and then listen again. ( all kinds of great brain benefits there, but enough already!) 

(by the way, be sure to practice observing the way you feel, what you see, and what you hear during easy times so that you have access to this skill in the midst of your next challenge.)

Thank you for reading my post. 

Oh wait, one more thing! I just read about the idea that you can start very early with kids and teach them to imagine answers to the question. Why am I here? Why is it good to be alive? Then, as they age and face possible challenges and dark times, they will naturally have answers to the question, "Why should I stay?" I know this is dark topic, but there is research that proves the effectiveness of these questions; it's not totally always true that there's NOTHING we can do.

Ok, onward, joyfully grateful for the inspiring comment from Emma's wonderful yoga class this morning! 

Mary