Just a gentle reminder that functionality and protective environments are not always helpful gifts for people who suffer from addictions and compulsions. Many alcoholics, addicts and mentally ill people are "lucky" or so talented and driven (or so compliant and not "bothersome") that they miss the hard fall that compels many of us to examine our lives and grow spiritually in recovery.
It's hard and sometimes impossible ( especially if you are a parent or a spouse) to let someone fail. The deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade could be seen as profound reminders that not hitting bottom is not always helpful.
If you can, do a little research on the recovery and treatment options available for people with depression, addiction and other problems.Try to reassure yourself that there is a solution. Although it's REALLY painful to let go, it's helpful to remember that it often takes an epic fail for someone to reach out and get the help they truly need.
I don't think there is a one-size-fits all answer to these complex problems; answers that seem miraculous to me might leave you floundering.
The fist step is the same for most of us though- we have to get to know ourselves to trust ourselves. We have to examine our motives as we move through our relationship with the person who needs help (even if that person is YOU)
Recently, my therapist illuminated the fact that I was encouraging someone close to me to stay in touch with a relative, not because it was best for that person, but because I didn't want to be the kind of person who would ever encourage distance between parents and children, brothers and sisters, or husbands and wives.
This was really hard to hear, but I am thankful. Now that I know myself a little better, I can trust myself a little more. I called this person and shared my insight. I told them that of course I trusted their judgement. I offered encouragement about their choices thus far. The doubt I expressed about their choice to disengage was motivated by my desire to "look good" and my commitment to being the kind of gal that always supported staying connected.
I am grateful for recovery, friends and spiritual guidance.
(Frankly, I am thankful I am VERY far from "high functioning" in the areas of my life that require spiritual help. Im one of the lucky ones who HAS to get help - ha ha)
Thanks for reading and I promise, things do get better and there is help. You (and yours) are loved.
My earnest wish is that you are as kind as possible to yourself. This stuff is NOT easy and we do care.
I love you.
Mary