My mom used to say " I hope someone is really nice to you today" after a store clerk, a waiter or anyone extended her a common courtesy or a simple kindness. I wish I could see her and say, for every single time she said that " oh mom, you were really nice to them today!" Talk about good karma and lasting legacies ( and a big missing!) missing Milly each and every day. When I die, I hope that people remember that I said this, frequently:
This is the happiest day of my life!
My mom was born today, in 1922. She raised 9 children, "one at a time, honey, I just did it one at a time," and had more happiest days than anyone I know.
She was married to my dad for 58 years. For work, she chose psychiatric nursing, working with people with serious mental illnesses.
I remember being at a rally with her, for people with mental illness, and meeting someone who was totally, obviously nuts. ( and I mean that in the least pejorative sense possible-my mom would block this post instantly for using that word-she hated the word crazy more than anyone I know)
Anyway, I remember this strange, muttering person, who couldn't hold eye contact with me. He grabbed my outstretched hand awkwardly, too hard and then too soft.
As he walked away, I breathed a sigh of relief and wiped my hand on my shirt. I was about to say "Whew, that was close," when my mom interrupted me.
"See, honey, you can't even tell! Believe it or not, he's a patient!"
Now, you can imagine how she saw me, and the rest of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, all their spouses and friends, and pretty much every being in the world.
She actually felt embarrassed by her good fortune. She didn't want people to feel bad because she had it so good in her eyes. ( another worthy lifetime goal-to have it so good that you are chagrined by the amazingness of your life.)
With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that she, her faith, her relentless hard work and most especially her rose-colored, optimistic views, were the source of all that goodness.
All nine of her children, and everyone she touched, is remarkable. That's more than a coincidence; She loved kindness, better than anyone I've ever known, long before loving kindness was fashionable in America.
When my mom did the landmark forum, she marched up on stage and grabbed the microphone,
"Everyone,listen to him ( the instructor)! He's right! Life is SHORT! Now get up, just get up and smile! Get up! Go! Get out of here and go hug your family!"
There wasn't a dry eye in the house at the end of that weekend.
I miss her every day.
But I know for sure that she was satisfied and happy with the way she spent her life. I know that in the end she was surrounded by love, thanks to my sister Judi Powers and her fabulous family. (and Ed and Chris Gerulat, who literally moved to Illinois to make sure that my mom was ensconced in a beautiful home with them in her hometown of Crystal Lake.)
"One day, Mary, you will look in mirror and your whole life will have passed. You'll have raised your kids, had your career, and lost your friends. Nothing that you thought was important will be. It happens so fast. When I look in the mirror, I can't believe the 81 year old looking back is me. Enjoy. Just smile. Stop worrying so much. It happens SO fast. Now, I'm going down that slide".
Milly said that to me, right before she climbed up the ladder for the tallest water slide at the Great Wolf Lodge. There was a literal crowd at the bottom, cheering for her. As a kind man helped her out of the pool, she shouted,
"Today is the happiest day of my life!"
Everybody kept asking me, "How old is she??"
My son was delighted of course, absolutely thrilled with his grandma and her wild ways. Having Milly as his grandma was a crazy good stroke of luck for him, I must say.
I'm guessing she inspired at least 20 families that day to add more love. Over her lifetime, the number of people she inspired is simply not countable.
My therapist asked me once to picture myself in my favorite place, with my favorite people.
It was instant, me, Peggy Marino, and Milly Gustafson, on the beach, laughing.
I honestly cannot believe my good fortune in having these women in my life. One of them was my mom! Now, that's something to celebrate.
In fact, I think that today will be the happiest day of my life. Why not?
Let's go for that. Make that a lifetime goal. More happiest days that anyone else.
Ready? I am too, Off we go!
Like Milly Gustafson said, life is short.-We gotta move fast. #readysetgo! #raceforhappiness